False Start

It’s around 4:30 this Monday morning as I write this post. I would normally be getting up about this time and getting in the shower to begin my day.

But not this morning. It seems my “internal clock” is still working, even though I’m not.

I guess I’m in a place of testing out whether or not I “know” something or whether I really “KNOW” something.

I know that immediately before Jesus’ ascension into heaven, He stated He would never leave nor forsake us…..I also know the bible declares God cares for those who are His own. God is God. His promises are true. God cannot lie.

And this is where the test of my faith comes in…..Do I really KNOW these things?

I’m fully aware, contrary to what the grinning televangelists would tell you, God never promised me wealth and prosperity here on this earth. God is sovereign, and whatever trials and tribulations I face here on Earth are for my sanctification and ultimately His glory  (James 1).  But when it’s 4:30 on a Monday morning and you would normally be getting up and going to work, supporting your family, it’s a little difficult to know it’s all going to be okay and God’s got it under control.

Looking back at the last couple of difficult years, I’m more aware than ever that I needed these trials. I didn’t have a real faith…..though I’m not sure I have any left at all. Nevertheless, what I thought I had wasn’t real. When trials hit, I “fell apart like a 2 dollar suitcase”.

James 1 says patience produces perseverance and that eventually God’s work will be perfected in me……Can I make it?……Often I wonder because of my double mindedness and unbelief.

I guess maybe I should have tithed more and this wouldn’t have happened to me…….

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2 Comments

Filed under Christianity, personal

2 responses to “False Start

  1. 2blu2btru

    “I guess maybe I should have tithed more and this wouldn’t have happened to me…” When you say it like that, you make it sound as if God is punishing you, instead of testing you to perfect your faith and deepen your relationship with Him, as you alluded to before.

    I know how hard it is to keep the faith and go on when things get difficult. I myself lost my job and my apartment in the same week–and I didn’t have the burden of a family to add to it. But staying encouraged and strengthening my faith saw me through, with many marvelous lessons learned and rewarded with many blessings. I pray you will keep the faith and find the answers you seek soon. 🙂

  2. My tithing thing at the end was meant to be a little “tongue in cheek”…..kind of a response to some who would say it might be becasue I haven’t given enough.

    Thanks for the encouragement. I realize this period in our lives is kind of a “refinement” of sorts. It is a little hard to keep this in perspective at times.

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